Down Goes Brown: the Top 5 Reasons Lakers Coach Mike Brown Got Fired

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Some say Mike Brown’s firing from the Lakers came too soon. Others say he never should’ve been hired in the first place. While others still claim the moon landing never happened, and was nothing more than a government conspiracy cooked up in order to best the Russians (that last one has nothing to do with basketball, but seriously, some people are still saying that).

In any case, second year Lakers coach Mike Brown was abruptly fired on Friday and has already been replaced by former Suns and Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni (if you can’t remember what D’Antoni looks like, just picture that friend of your dad’s friend who’s a cop). But why exactly was Brown let go? Sure the Lakers started 1-4, but it still felt like he had a pretty short leash. Here are the top five theories on why Mike Brown really got the ax.

5 Steve Nash

According to sources close to the Lakers, coach Brown regularly referred to future Hall of Famer Steve Nash as a “whacky Canuck,” and once, after Nash offered suggestions on how to fix their ailing offense, Brown said “I’ll call you when I need advice on ice hockey or maple syrup.”

4 Jack Nicholson

Everyone was talking about Kobe’s death stare, but shouldn’t we all consider that the piercing look of dissatisfaction burning through Jack Nicholson’s purple-tinted sunglasses from his courtside seats may have been what ended Brown’s career in LA? Many say that Lakers VP Jim Buss was hesitant to fire Brown because he was the one who made the decision to hire him, but isn’t it possible that Jack paid him a little visit in order to change his mind? We can’t be sure, but all we’re saying is that if Jack Nicholson happened to show up at Mr. Buss’ office, possibly dressed in a purple suit and donning clown makeup, and asked him if he “Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?”, well, the decision might just have been made for him.

3 Dwight Howard

It’s no secret that the Lakers new center hasn’t exactly been a coach’s dream in the last few years, but what few have considered, is the possibility that Dwight Howard is actually now addicted to getting coaches fired. Once known as an amicable and fun-loving player, Howard has more recently become known for the drama that surrounded him in Orlando. It’s widely accepted that Dwight is the singular reason Stan Van Gundy was ousted as coach of the Magic, and now suddenly, just five games into his stint in LA, Mike Brown is gone. Is this purely a coincidence? Or has Dwight Howard become some sick, Highlander-esque killer who gets off on moving from town to town and adding a coach’s head to his mantle before he moves on?

2 Princeton

Mike Brown’s 1-4 start ensured one thing; the Princeton offense got a whole lot of bad press. Brown’s implementation of the offense and the Lakers lack of wins had every news outlet mocking the sheer idea of it, and we have to imagine the people at Princeton were none too happy. A widely respected and powerful institution, Princeton could have very well leveraged some of their influence to run the coach out of LA. In fact, rumor has it that the morning he was fired, Mike Brown found himself living out a real life scene from “The Godfather Part II,” when he woke up to find the severed head of the Princeton Tiger in his bed.

1 Kobe Bryant

Kobe can claim innocence as much as he wants to, but the fact of the matter is that the look he gave Mike Brown from the bench, the one that has become widely known as the “Death Stare,” is the same look your girlfriend gives you after she catches you making eyes at “that slut at the mall massage kiosk.” Kobe Bryant was simply not happy with the Lakers performance under Mike Brown, and he shouldn’t have been, they were 1-4 for God’s sake! And as it usually works in the NBA, when your team comes out on the wrong side of a competition measured by how many points were scored by the players, the guy standing on the sidelines in a pressed suit is clearly to blame.

There you have it, the top five theories on why Mike Brown is currently jobless. Did we miss anything? Why not throw together a few theories of your own?